When I was first diagnosed with PTSD after losing my job at Disney, I didn't really think much of it. I just thought g r e a t, another mental illness I can add to my already long list. But even though it's been a year, it didn't really hit me how bad it was, other than the odd panic attack, until this past Monday night when I found myself get irrationally angry for seemingly no apparent reason. I had no idea what had triggered me, but I was angry at every single one of my former co-workers for shaming me and telling me I deserved to get fired and that I deserved to lose my friends because I spoke badly about a billion dollar corporation. Along with PTSD, I have ADHD and I have a love-hate relationship with the hyper-focus part of ADHD. It can be nice when I'm really into my school work and all of a sudden it's three days before every single one of my assignments is due but I've already finished all of them, but it's pretty awful when I'm in a downward spiral of a PTSD trigger.
In John 7:6, Jesus says "my time is not yet come but your time is away ready" and even though I hadn't thought of it while I was triggered, in reading the chapter it really struck me like a bolt of lightning. When I first got termed I remember repeating to myself over and over again: this is temporary, the Lord doesn't give us anything we can't handle. In reading this scripture, and seeing where I am now compared to where I was a year ago is leaps and bounds different really testified to me that Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father really has everything planned for us perfectly. Even though I got triggered out of no-where, it had been months since this last happened.
It can be really easy to lose sight of what's important, especially when dealing with mental illness. Having a mental illness can at times feel like Satan has crawled his way through your ear and set up a campsite where instead of singing campfire songs, he whispers lies t you while he roasts marshmallows. This is why it is so important to remain faithful to Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father, no matter how difficult it may be. The pharisees and the Jews had hardened their hearts and wouldn't even listen to Jesus Christ, we can't be like the pharisees if we want to stand any chance against Satan. Helaman 5:12 says "it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the son of God, that ye must build your foundation, that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yeah, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power to drag you down." If we set our foundation in Jesus Christ, it will be so much easier to remember that He has a plan. His timing is not our timing, but His timing is perfect.
We cannot lose faith, we have to keep seeking guidance from Jesus Christ or Heavenly Father because if we don't Satan will have his way with us. We just have to trust in the Lord.
(To get over my trigger I vented on twitter and googled med schools I'll probably never get into, you do what you can)
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