For with God Nothing Shall be Impossible

When I think of this scripture, I am reminded of my year 13 Outdoor Education class. It was the dead of winter and we were inside because we were working on our leadership unit. The activity we were working on involved getting across an obstacle course of foam pads that were far apart from each other and we couldn't touch the ground or we'd have to start again. We did it twice round. The first time, the room was silent and we had to get across using our own minds and the second time we had encouragement from our peers. The first time round, I remember my time was a minute longer than when I had encouragement. The scripture reminds me of this activity because when we have Christ and Heavenly Father helping us through life, everything is so much easier.

When I finished high school, I moved a world away from all of my friends. Literally, I was living in the North of England, in the Lake District and moved to South Florida two weeks after getting my A-Level results. I was lonely, I was depressed, I was suicidal and on occasion I did self harm. I didn't have the gospel in my life and I had no idea what I was going to spend the rest of my life doing. I lived day to day, late to work every single day because I didn't see the point in getting up. I worked one part time job but didn't have the energy to get a second one. I went to work, I came home, I watched tv, went to bed. It felt like a never ending cycle. Worst of all, I was lonely.

Temple trip with the sisters in my ward, the day
after I was suspended

About a year ago, I got fired from my dream job. It also happened to be during the week that I had started reading my scriptures in the mornings before work and I'd given myself the challenge of not listening to any secular music for a month. Looking back, losing my job should have been impossible. I remember phoning my mom and telling her how depressed and low and suicidal I felt, but I also clung tighter to the iron rod. The day I was suspended, I went to the temple. The next day, I had lunch with the Sister Missionaries in my ward. I did everything I possibly could to not let go of Christ, but to bring Him in my life more. And it didn't feel impossible. It felt almost easy going through and event that gave me a lot of trauma and stress and anger. I made it thanks to God and Jesus Christ. I was able to get a job less than two weeks after I got fired - my unemployment benefits didn't even have time to kick in! And I know that that is thanks to Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. 

After getting termed I moved back in with my parents and joined a new YSA, where my Institute teacher is one of the best teachers I've ever had, (that is a blessing in itself) and an extremely inviting ward filled with converts and a branch President who invited us over for hot dogs and s'mores (his wife took care to get me kosher hot dogs because she knows I eat kosher). 

In June of 2019 President Nelson came to Orlando during his "Follow the Prophet" tour, where I have the privilege of being an usher. During his talk he said "Jesus Christ is our anchor when we are desperately in need," and that echoes the Luke 1:32 scripture because without an anchor, we are adrift and it can seem impossible to stay in one place, but an anchor makes everything possible.

This last year should have been impossible. I've lost the majority of my friends, I lost my dream job and moved back in with my parents. But it wasn't. It wasn't, because I had Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ holding my hand with every step I took. I asked Him for guidance when I lost my job and He has continuously helped me since, because with God, nothing is impossible.

A Lot can Happen in a Year

I forgot I had a blog and I don't know what got me me to open it again and read what I had written. It's been almost a year and a half since I wrote and I feel like I'm a completely different person. I went from not going to church to going to church every week, participating in weekly activities like Institute and FHE when I'm not working. I read my scriptures every night and I pray multiple times a day. Jessica from a year and a half ago would not be able to recognise me.

I feel like the title of my blog, "Trying My Hardest," means more to me now than it did when I started it. I was trying my hardest in the gospel and staying active in the church, but now I'm trying much harder in life. I got fired from my dream job for something that wasn't my fault, my roommate threatened to sue me if I moved out, I lost almost all of my friends and I'm in a spiralling depression and I don't know if I'll ever get out it. But despite all of these hardships I've held onto Christ and the iron rod harder than I ever have in the past and I know that's why I am still alive.

Orlando, Florida Temple

When I was suspended the first thing I did was go to the Temple. It was my friends first time doing Baptisms that night so a lot of the members in my ward were there and I had a lot of company. I started the night with clenched teeth, a heart in my throat and my eyes blurry from tears that kept threatening to come out. But by the end of the night I felt at peace and I knew the Lord was by my side and helping me through this.

When I got fired, the days leading up to me moving home, I went to the Temple every day. I promised the Sister Missionaries in my ward that I would go to the Temple and do baptisms on my own and I did. And it was wonderful. The peace that I got was unlike anything I'd ever felt and I know it was the Spirit helping me through this difficult time.

President Monson said in the April 2015 General Conference, "as we enter through the doors of the temple, we leave behind the distractions and confusion of the world. Inside this sacred sanctuary, we find beauty and order. There is rest for our souls and a respite from the cares of our lives." At this difficult time in my life, had I not gone to the Temple daily I would not have found that respite and I would have been stuck in my grief. In the Temple, worldly things do not matter. Only you and the Lord.  Isn't it great that we have a place where we can be so close to our Heavenly Father? We are so lucky that our Heavenly Father loves us so much that He sent us His only son and restored His church on the earth so we can be with Him again.

I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the Lords one true church. I know He sent His son to atone for our sins because He loves us so much. And I know that if strive to be more like Him and keep our covenants, He will bless us. I have felt it and I revel in the blessings He has given me, daily.