Getting to church wasn't easy though. Last night I had a nightmare that one of my roommates found out I was a Mormon and she wasn't mad, but she was hurt. Quite visibly hurt. When I was in high school and my friends would tell me they'd had sex for the first time, I'd have this rock sitting in the pit of my stomach like I'd been betrayed and I can only imagine that this is how my roommate felt in my dream after telling her I was LDS. Then she became passive aggressive. And then I woke up, 45 minutes before my alarm.
I woke up in a cold sweat, terrified that this would happen in real life. So I turned my alarm off and went back to sleep because I didn't want to deal with any hypothetical repercussions. When I woke up for real for the day I made breakfast and started watching the Sunday morning session of conference. At this point I was well awake and realised none of my roommates were home. I got a prompting to go to church and I knew I had to listen to it. It was only 9.30 so I would make it to Sunday school. I got dressed and made it to church for 10.12.
Upon entering the building I saw a toddler running around, which was odd. The family ward didn't start until 12. I walked around looking for the entrance to the chapel and all the lights are off in the chapel but there is a screen up at the pulpit. It took me a while to realise it was stake conference. I sat in the back row and listened to the speakers.
I love when we have conference because talks are my favourite part of church. So many lessons can be given from sacrament meeting talks. And every speaker said something that felt like it was directed at me and only me. Some things said that really stuck out to me:
- "If we rely on our Savior, we can overcome anything"
- "We are bringing salvation to our souls when we participate"
- "If we follow the promptings of the Spirit, we an help investigators and ourselves"
- "It has to be hard, if it were easy there would be no growth"
- "We must follow the Lord regardless of our fear"
A lot of the speakers talked about listening to promptings and it really resonated with me because had I not listened to the prompting that led me to church this morning, I would not have gone and heard all of these wonderful talks. I would be mad at myself for missing church, again and feeling worthless and like I didn't deserve Heavenly Father's and Christ's love like I've been feeling since I moved to Orlando.
It is hard, but its not the gospel that hard. Its society and the impact that it has on us. But the blessings we get from simply going to church are more infinite than whatever happens when we don't go to church. When I got home I felt likeI had been uplifted and I've been given a new motivation to learn more about the gospel and how to be better. I am excited for Institute on Thursday. I haven't been excited in a long time. I feel like I can start over again. And as I pray for strength to overcome my fear of what others will think, I know I will receive the blessings that come with being able to share the gospel freely.
I know the church is true and if we follow promptings that the Lord gives us we will be filled with a joy. It doesn't matter how hard things are, the Lords love for us is eternal and he will help us through.
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